A year ago today I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Then discovered contractions had started...
But let me start from the VERY beginning.
Gemma’s story starts before her birth!
Matt and I had a very clear impression it was time to add another child to our family.
I began tediously tracking my cycles and we half heartily started trying. I was still getting familiar with my body’s cycle and using a BILLION ovulation strips.
One day I had this huge pain in my side and it took my breath away for a few seconds. Okay weird, NBD it went away no problems. A couple weeks later I just felt different, and was a little queasy. On my way to work I went and grabbed a pregnancy test. It was positive, a very faint positive.
I HADN’T EVEN MISSED MY PERIOD YET!
I tested 10 day past ovulation.
Wow, that was fast!
The next day I peed on a stick again and it was DARKER! I was so excited! After work I went to Target with Keegan and found a big brother shirt, bought it and put it on him. Then we went home and when he went inside he gave Matt the pregnancy test. Matt was pretty skeptical because of the faint line, and how fast it happened! We were so excited and told some friends, and family! I started spotting but thought nothing of it because I bled for a month when I was pregnant with Keegan. I interviewed a couple midwives and went about like normal. Something felt off though, and I continued to spot. I knew I was miscarrying. I’d been talking with Liz (who I plan on hiring as my midwife) and she suggested some herbs to help. I lost that pregnancy the day after on September 11th, 2017.
I took a couple of days to just be, feel and grieve. It was one of the most emotional times of my life. It's so hard to describe how you feel. You feel like your body has betrayed you, like God has betrayed you, like you are incapable. I knew that spirit. I truly believed it was a little girl we had lost. Yet, somehow I knew that spirit would come back to me.
The worst part was the first day back at work. Lots of co-workers, and friends knew what had happened, and you could just see the sorrow in their face. I saw their love, but the seeing the sorrow was very hard.
I returned to work and going about my daily life. I didn't talk about it, because it was so fresh.
I once again started tracking my cycle. We started trying when my cycle came back. We carried about our normal lives. I had a weird pain again, it took my breath away and I almost fell over in the Harmon's parking lot. It quickly went away.
A few days later it was Halloween! We went trick or treating with family. I remember walking with Emily and Raya and they asked if we were trying to get/if I was pregnant again. I told them I didn't know we were in the waiting stage. (Because I knew nothing about tracking my temps at that point). That next Sunday. I just felt the need to take a test before church. I actually didn't even look at it until we came back from church and IT. WAS. POSITIVE! I was once again only 10 days past ovulation! I quickly messaged Liz and let her know we had successfully conceived again! I hired her as my Midwife, and she helped calm my anxiety from that day forward! I was so worried about miscarrying again. I stocked up on healthy foods, and supplements. I was determined to have a viable pregnancy, and not get sick like I did with Keegan.
I felt more confident with this pregnancy, but the miscarriage had happened only 6 weeks prior. I still felt some anxiety about miscarrying. Liz was the sweetest! I think every week I asked her when my first visit was going to be, and she just reassured me it would be between 8-12weeks.
I woke up on Thanksgiving, and was so so sick. We were already planning on telling Matt's family on Thanksgiving, thank goodness! They would've been able to tell if we hadn't! We had Keegan wear his big brother shirt, and he asked everyone to read him a Berenstein Bear book. I think it was the New Baby book.
The day after Thanksgiving was really rough for me. I was so SOO nauseous! I called a woman from church crying and she came and cleaned my house for me. I messaged Liz and she gave me some advice and mentioned she could come give me an IV if I needed it. She was super reassuring, yes sickness is terrible, but IT IS A GOOD SIGN!
I went and saw another midwife who could write prescriptions, and we tried a couple herbs, before getting a prescription. Yet, I couldn't keep anything down. I called Liz and she came to give me an IV. We got it placed and comfortable, and she looked at me then asked if I had gotten the prescription yet, I said no. She then gave me this look, like out of concern, and said well you need it. So we made the calls and got some. The medicine helped me stopped throwing up, but the nausea was terrible. I asked for fluids twice. It was so amazing and comforting having the ability to be at home and have them. (With Keegan I ended up in the ER).
My sickness slowly got better, at 13 weeks we had an early ultrasound to check on babe. We were both so nervous, and I wasn't positive what my body was doing. I thought I had an ovulation date (which I was right), but my body was looking bigger than expected.
Babe was super healthy and developing correctly! It was a happy day!
I think I stopped gagging on food around 20 weeks. I was still always nauseous, had lots of food aversions, and it continued until about 25 weeks. The whole pregnancy felt so familiar!
I think I stopped gagging on food around 20 weeks. I was still always nauseous, had lots of food aversions, and it continued until about 25 weeks. The whole pregnancy felt so familiar!
At 21.5 weeks Matt and I had our anatomy scan! We found out we were having a baby GIRL! We couldn't be more excited! We both were hoping for a little girl, and I felt like babe was one, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. We couldn't think of an awesome way to announce this pregnancy, and we were both nervous too. Amanda asked if she could host a gender reveal long before we knew what we were having, and having a little girl was perfect!
We just posted the video of us revealing the gender on facebook, that was enjoyable, and hilarious reading reactions from friends, family, and those I don't live by who didn't know we were expecting!
The pregnancy went well! We moved, I flew to and from Georgia, dealt with a little swelling, the normal stuff. I am grateful this past pregnancy was easier on my body. With Keegan I dealt with immense amount of pain and swelling the last trimester. I had very little with this pregnancy.
One night at the end of May, I woke up with contractions. They went on for a good hour, and I was really worried, because I was NOT far enough along. Luckily they settled down and I was able to go to sleep.
The summer was miserable pregnant. 11/10 I do NOT recommend it.
I was impatient waiting for babe to come. I knew she was going to come early (not!).
I walked about 5 miles on July 4th, and no baby.
About 2 weeks before she was born I woke up with contractions and feeling super sick, I vomited everywhere. No baby! I was super bummed the contractions weren't the real thing!
I worked 11 hours on my feet Cow Appreciation Day no swollen feet, and no baby. We swore this would do the trick, but NOPE!
Went hiking, cleaned ALL NIGHT, ran up and down the stairs, everything! No baby!
Clary Sage everywhere, no baby!
I SWORE my baby was going to come early! She just felt like she was going to come early!
Sometime in this mess, my online friend, Savannah offered to be my doula if she was able to find someone to watch her children. Which I took her up on! I was excited to have the extra support! (We are now IRL Mom friends).
I knew my body was progressing because I lost pieces of my mucus plug, and having contractions on and off, but I was very impatient.
I knew my body was progressing because I lost pieces of my mucus plug, and having contractions on and off, but I was very impatient.
Then my dude date came. I scheduled a non-stress test at the birth center for 41 weeks and was super bummed. I almost cried making that appointment.
My dear friend Alyse came over on my due date (fun fact: I visited her on her dude date, and our babies are 5 weeks apart), and she did some reflexology on my feet, while the kids played and just hung out a bit. That afternoon I took a tiny bit of herbs to help it along, and went walking with my Mom. I then felt like a blessing would help me calm down and be at peace. I asked Matt to see if Will could come over and help give a blessing. He came. What I remember most about it, was that the baby will come when ready, and will be delivered without complication. I was so happy to hear that, as I was planning a homebirth. After Will left I went and grabbed a couple bags of ice from work. It was crazy hot, and we don't have air conditioning, so I lived off Chick-fil-A pebbled ice. I remember showing people my stomach, because babe had moved down lower and was poking out weird. I got my ice home and went to bed.
I woke up around 12:20 AM because I had to pee. Typical pregnant lady. I did my business (okay this is when I start to share too much information) and I felt the urge to poo. I tried to push, and nope my body was not having it. I wiped, stood up, and had a contraction. I remember thinking, alrighty then. Let's see how long these last. They had been going on at night for about 5 days but would just fizzle out, and I could sleep through them.
But these guys felt different. I changed my clothes and went downstairs. I sat on my exercise/birthing ball and just rolled my hips around for a bit listening to some Hypnobirthing track on youtube. The contractions got stronger, so I messaged Savannah and Liz that it had started. I woke up Matt to let him know what was going on, and to have him unclog the toilet downstairs (ugh, the old toilets we used to have would ALWAYS get clogged, management has replaced them since then), and blow up/fill the birth pool. This was around 2:30 AM(ish). I told Savannah at this point to head on over. (I was super in denial that I was progressing.) Matt had the pool going and then Keegan woke up. He was in our bed alone. Matt snuggled him a bit, and then I remember timing my contractions and they had gone from 10 apart to 5 apart to 3 apart to 2 apart and I was struggling getting through them. I texted Matt to call Liz and she could hear me moaning through my contractions (downstairs) while Matt was on the phone upstairs. He woke my Mom up and Keegan hung out upstairs with my Mom.
I got to the point where I couldn't find a position to labor in that felt right. Luckily that's when Liz and Savannah showed up! I believe this was around 3 AM or so. They literally came back to back. They helped guide us through a couple different positions, and then the pool was ready and so I climbed in. The water was crazy HOT but it felt so good on my hips. Both labors all my pain in in my hips, so it was super nice!
I think at this point Liz asked me if I wanted any cervical checks, and I said no, but yes, because I needed a base line because I was doubting how fast I was progressing. I really hate cervical checks, because they HURT! We were going to do one, and then a contraction started so we waited, and then I was checked. I was at a 6 or 7. Whatever Liz does, she was incredibly gentle and it didn't hurt!
I labored on all fours in the pool, someone tried applying counter pressure, it hurt. I've noticed I don't like being touched in labor. Then I went over to a wall of the pool where Matt was sitting on a chair and labored on my knees with him holding my hands, but I was exhausted and labor is hard! I ended up kind of sitting and leaning back a little. Matt was right behind me, sitting on a chair, holding a bunch of my weight! His arms were under mine and holding my hands.
I don't remember much at this point. I remember those amazing frozen wash cloths! They were so nice for helping me cool off. I was very vocal through my contractions. At this point I was falling asleep at the end of every contraction. I could not keep my eyes open. I remember feeling a bowel movement at the end of one contraction. Don't worry it was solid, and they had a pooper scooper to get it out of the pool. I remember Liz saying something about her heartbeat being a bit high, so they started dumping ice in the pool. I was thinking NO NOT MY ICE, but couldn't say anything because I was in labor land. Hahaha!
I remember hitting transition, I was struggling mentally. I was crying and saying I can't do this, I don't want to. Every time those words left my mouth, I had so many voices reminding that I CAN! That my baby was almost here! I'm doing great!
I felt my water break! MAN! Let me tell you that was the most satisfying feeling I have ever felt! I opened my eyes for second and saw the gush burst in the water. It was way cool! It was a good mental reset as well. I KNEW my baby would be here soon!
I pushed and pushed. It felt like forever!
I think at one point I reached down and felt baby's head! That was super helpful for me to visualize what was happening.
Then the ring of fire. Ummm. OUCH! It literally felt like everything was on fire! Then she was out!
What?! I opened my eyes and was handed my baby! She was here! The first thing I noticed was her hair! I zoned out a bit and asked for my Mommy (and Keegan). They quickly came downstairs. I remember holding babe, and Keegan came around to see, I switched arms I had her in and she let out a cry! I was super emotional when she cried! She was born at 4:22 AM! I asked what time it was, and was amazed it wasn't even 4:30 AM! I was shocked! Keegan's labor and delivery took days!
I told Matt to call his Mom! She wasn't there, and I felt so bad we had forgotten to call her! I could not believe how fast my labor and delivery went! It was mind blowing and truly amazing! Babe looked like a little sumo wrestler and was not what I envisioned at all! I told Matt we needed to think of a different name. The one we had picked out was very dainty, and it didn't fit.
Liz was so professional and awesome! She just let me do my thing, when babe was born she listened very calmly, carefully to baby and didn't give me any reason to worry. In hindsight, and after watching videos, it took babe a good second to breathe! I know in the hospital she would have been whisked off!
After a bit, Liz then told me to push a couple times so the placenta could come out. It did not hurt at all! They wrapped up the placenta and cord and gave babe to Matt while I got the courage to stand up. I was so afraid it was going to hurt to get out of the pool. I was shaking, but I was totally fine! I was then told to lay down on the couch.
Babe pooped on the carpet, and then all over me while everyone was cleaning up. We quickly put a diaper on her after that second time!
After about an hour we decided to go ahead an cut the cord. Keegan even helped! He thought it was so gross!
We then weighed and measured baby. She was 21 inches long. We knew she was a big girl you could see it. She was all cheeks! I guessed 9 lbs, I don't remember what Matt guessed, but she was 10 lbs 8 oz! WHAT!?!?
When some of the clean up was done I got checked out. I tore my scar tissue from Keegan's birth, and no cervix this time! I was given shots of lidocaine, and I was incredibly tender, Liz used all she had on me. We had a discussion that if this didn't give enough relief we would talk about going to the hospital for stitches. Honestly, I felt like those shots in the crotch after birth hurt worse than the contractions! Luckily, that last shot of lidocaine did what it needed to and I was able to get sewn up.
When she finished I went to the bathroom put a diaper on, and then walked upstairs to shower. Yes, I walked upstairs hours after giving birth! It was a great feeling. Liz was incredibly tedious when she sewed me up. I felt a huge difference in comparison to Keegan's birth.
Those next few hours were just a blur. We just snuggled, and slept in true postpartum fashion. Family came over that afternoon evening to visit, and we talked a bit about a name. The only name we both liked was Gemma, and I wasn't sure it fit yet. I knew this little spirit so deeply, I wanted to make sure her name was right, and I wasn't fully convinced. We decided the next day, that her name fit and filled out the birth certificate. Liz asked me what I thought about my birth. I told her I felt good about it but that I really struggled when her head was born. Liz smiled and told me that wasn't her head I struggled with. It was her CHEST! It was a good 1-2 inches wider than her head. I was so surprised and in shock with how fast, and smooth it all happened.
All in all, I would definitely have another home birth as long as my body allows me to safely!
The experience was absolutely amazing and incredibly empowering! Our bodies are capable and amazing, My favorite part, is watching people's reactions when they hear I birthed a 10.5 lbs baby at home, oh and definitely the shower right after.
I can't believe it's been 1 year!
I am still enamored with my little Gemma, my birth, and my wonderful birth team. I don't think I could have ask for a more supportive team!
I truly believe Gemma is the same little spirit I lost during my miscarriage. Between her being a girl, having braxton hicks in May, her birth weight, as she has developed and her familiar soul. I know it was her!
Thank you Elizabeth Stika with Two Leaves Midwifery for your reassurance, your patience, your knowledge and bring a calming presence to my home, and birth.
Thank you Jessica Stahle for attending my birth as the supporting midwife.
Thank you Jessica Stahle for attending my birth as the supporting midwife.
Thank you Savannah Warr for your role as doula, and for taking pictures and videos.
I couldn't have done it without you!
I couldn't have done it without you!
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